Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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