so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
