It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
