yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
