Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize