we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
