did you get engaged???
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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