Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
