omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
