News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
