u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize