wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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