I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
