The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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