Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
