Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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