i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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