Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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