Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
