Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I queefed so loud it echoed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
