I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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