Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
