A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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