I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
