i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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