Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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