dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we made out on top of his cat.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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