my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
