one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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