Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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