This is not my ceiling
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
