Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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