you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
