i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
