she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
