i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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