I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
