bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
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I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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