How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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