After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
