Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
