im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
