I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
