I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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