how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
