I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
