He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Text me some of your sweat
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