I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
