actually, I'm a sock model
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time