So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
