Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
