if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
