Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
