She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
