Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
