you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
