I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
how drunk are you?
Several
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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